The flickering overhead lamp is all that lights the crooked, narrow stairs leading down into the cluttered, dusty, foul-smelling hole beneath the house. I stand in awe as I hit the last step and peer around to take in the horrible sight around me. The water pipes and electrical wires crisscross the ceiling, but are not alone beneath the floorboards; for along their lengths in every direction there are a thousand abandoned cobwebs intertwined with a thousand new ones - each with a patient eight-legged master awaiting an unlucky passer-by. Far from the dim light, deep in the far corners, behind the endless piles of cardboard boxes filled with all manner of long-forgotten chachkies, heirlooms and other less-savory occupants, there is only darkness from which any manner of feral beast could be stalking.

I have a mission here. This dark pit of despair is in need of absolution. I'll not be daunted by imaginary fears - though real they may actually be - for there is no small amount of long-passed-due cleaning to be done. It's been at least 3 years since I've ventured down here to do any more than quickly grab the bag of aluminum cans (to return for the deposit), and replace the bag.

I have come armed, of course - one does not venture into an evil hole in the ground without proper tools to deal with its denizens. My tool belt consists of a flashlight to brighten the gloom, a long-handled dust mop to beat back the insidious cobwebs, and a bundle of large plastic trash bags to deal with the debris. I will find the soiled cement floor and beat back the clutter or *choke* *gasp* I NEED AIR!

... Foiled by haste, I return upstairs to equip my defensive equipment - a carpenter's dust mask and a hair net - to preserve my heroic locks, of course.

Now, back into the mildewed cave to fight back the darkness and clear away the clutter!... Maybe after a soda...

This could take a while...